POTC, LOTR, And The Corpse Bride
by invisiblemirage
Summary: Jack, Will, Legolas, Frodo, and Victor from The Corpse Bride all end up together in an unusual situation that brings them from their movies to Paris and further. The summary stinks, but the story is good and getting better. Please read and Review! Thanks
1. The Terror of the Storm and The Abyss

POTC meets LOTR and The Corpse Bride

Chapter 1

After searching for months, Will had finally found Jack in the heart of Davy Jones' locker. He had found him when Will had strayed away from the crew, following a trail of footprints in the sand that were not his own, nor anyone's on the crew. After many hours of tracing the impressions, he had finally found a lone silhouette of a man he presumed to be Captain Jack Sparrow.

He ran to him, leaving heavy indentations where he had walked, sand flying up from his boots. "Jack! It's me! Will Turner!"

Jack slowly turned to face Will with a chilling expression. "So it's young William, aye?" His face split into a grin he could no longer conceal. "I knew you'd come to save me just because you missed me! You did miss me . . . right?" Jack's eyes suddenly narrowed.

"That's not important. Are you all right?"

Jack nodded in the affirmative.

"Good. No worries, then." Will said, a strange glow in his eye. Jack's gold teeth flashed as he recognized his own words from when they had gone to save Elizabeth and salvage his beloved Black Pearl. "Are you sure you're all right?"

"Yes!!" Jack sighed.

"Good." Will drew his fist back and collided with Jack's jaw. "That's for sticking your tongue down Elizabeth's throat! I ought to kill you! The only reason I won't is because we've come so far to save your bloody worthless pirate butt!"

Jack massaged his jaw and a little blood tricked off his fingers. "Bloody nice welcome. And I didn't do it. _She_ kissed _me_. I was nothing but an almost innocent bystander. Savvy? Besides, we both know she liked it. I was a prominent step up from you, anyway." His easy smile had vanished and he had his hand on his holster.

Will drew his clenched fist back for another shot at Jack's smug face, but a sudden icy blast stilled his hand. He looked behind him. Black clouds billowed in the sky.

A storm was arriving.

Legolas pulled Frodo aside.

"I knew that ring was trouble from the beginning, Frodo."

"Is it my fault? Bilbo put it in my care."

Legolas drew an arrow from his sack. "Let me destroy it for you."

Frodo rolled his eyes, knowing Legolas was joking. "You and I both know that won't work, Lego."

"Don't call me Lego."

"Sorry."

A deer bounded across the path Legolas and Frodo were following. Within half a second, the deer had collapsed to the ground, an arrow pieced through its heart. Blood pooled on the ground.

A grin divided Frodo's face. "Nice shot! We feast tonight!"

"I know." Legolas smiled.

Hours later, the deer was roasting over a fire. The delicious aroma drifted through the air.

Legolas inhaled deeply, drinking in the scent. "There's something delicious about dinner you kill and cook yourself." He poked it with a stick. "I think it's about ready."

"Good! I'm famished!" Frodo piled a chunk of meat onto the large, flat rock he was using as a plate. Legolas followed suit.

They piled food into their mouths.

"Incredibly scrumptious!" Frodo mumbled between bites.

"Mhmmm!" Legolas agreed, scarfing down a glass of ale.

An icy wind blew. Black clouds billowed. Rain drops fell softly, forming puddles in the footprints of the elf and the hobbit. Lightning flashed, and a tree fell. The fire went out. Legolas and Frodo were sucked into a powerful storm.

Victor fingered the ring he had concealed in his pocket, imagining every last detail of how he would propose to his beloved, if he could. He nervously eyed the dark, wintery forest around him, making sure he was isolated. He was, the trees his only company.

Withdrawing the golden ring from the pocket of his worm jacket, he shifted his gaze around the forest, as if to be completely certain he was alone.

He began rehearsing how he would propose. He started timidly, then grew bolder with each sentence. He enjoyed it to the fullest, confessing his love for her again and again. "And now my dear, will you be mine?" He slipped the ring onto a cluster of branches that strangely resembled a hand.

When the ring had encircled itself around the "fingers" of the branch, the "fingers" immediately recoiled closed. Victor stepped back startled. He tripped on a root and fell, his arm being sucked into a hole in the ground by an invisible force. He struggled and managed to escape. He sat on the frozen ground, panting for breath.

A pale, ghostly silhouette rose from behind the tree stump with the "fingers". It looked to be the corpse of a young bride who had died on her wedding day. The bride-like phantom was clothed in a silvery veil, a pale wedding gown, and clasped a bouquet of flowers in her dead hands. She was a bit pretty, giving off a gray glow and hovering above the ground. Two words fell from her dead, gray lips. "I do!"

The first thing he did upon standing was flee for his life. He unfortunately was having the misfortune of not being able to run well. Blinded by his fear, he ran headfirst into one tree and yet another. When he kept going, he found himself running full force, but going no where. Looking down, he realized he was on a frozen creek. Quickly, he managed to regain his footing and cross over the creek. He looked back to see if he was gaining ground, but could only see her corpse-like form trailing after him.

He ran a little while longer, and found himself on a stone bridge over a running river. He almost didn't turn to see if she was following him. But, Victor pushed the fear out of his mind and checked anyway. The corpse bride wasn't there.

He breathed a sigh of relief and leaned against the cold, hard stone. Rain drops began to fall, trickling down his face. They cooled him, washing away the perspiration from his frantic run.

Thunder rolled in the distance. The rain became a little stronger, and a little colder as well. Victor wiped the water from his eyes and turned to go.

His heart came to a halt. His pursuer was right in front of him.

She pressed him against the stone wall, bringing her dead lips closer to his living ones. She intended to kiss him, to seal the deal of their "engagement".

The downpour made the bridge a bit too slippery to stand on. Victor fell, and unintentionally toppled into the river. The water was like ice, chilling him to the bone. He was numb almost instantly.

Lightning flashed, as brilliant and terrifying as the fear in the phantom's eyes. One popped out unexpectedly. She caught it and placed it back in her skull. She rose in the air to follow him, to try to save him.

The current became stronger, carrying Victor into land he had not seen before even though he had been there many, many times. What he had always known to be forest had become the intimidating edge of a jagged cliff. A giant crack had opened in the earth, splitting the forest down the center. Water mercilessly poured over the end, entering a black abyss that went on for an eternity.

Victor screamed, using every last ounce of strength he had to escape. But, no matter how hard he tried, or what direction he swam in, the emotionless current was too strong.

Th phantom came within inches of him. Her lifeless fingers barely brushed his outstretched fingers even once, but he was pulled out of her grasp. He was so desperate to be saved from the abyss, he would have even accepted help from the corpse bride.

The water pushed past the edge of the cliff, bringing Victor with it. He screamed, terrified at his untimely death, fearing what was to come.


	2. What Happened When They Met

Chapter 2

Victor plummeted down and endless hole, screaming the entire time. He must have been falling for hours. He knew neither where he was or where he had been. Finally, he fell onto something soft and lumpy.

"OOMPH!" the thing grunted. The light was pitch black, so Victor could not see what he had fallen on.

He rolled off it.

"Watch where you're going, savvy? A little to the left, and you would have killed me!" the person said.

Victor felt cold metal on his chest. Realizing it was the muzzle of a gun, he halted. He wondered how the man could execute that in the dark.

"Sorry! I'm so very sorry. I. . ."

"Never do it again! I was sound asleep for the first time in months! Now, if you'll be so kind as to hand me my rum and leave me. . ."

"Of course. . . Where is it?" Victor was starting to wonder if he had gone mad. Was he the only one who couldn't see anything?

"Next to you. You're almost as stupid as the whelp."

Victor groped around on the ground until his fingers brushed against the cold glass of the rum bottle. "Here." He felt someone take it from him.

"Goodbye." The man said.

"Goodbye." Victor replied. As he walked away, he muttered under his breath, "I'm trapped with some insane drunkard. This is not good."

"I heard that!!" the man growled. Victor dove to the ground as he heard a gun cock.

He shook uncontrollably from fear. Then the man spoke.

"Cowering on the floor won't help you, boy. But, the fact that this shot is not meant for you will. I won't shoot you if you don't annoy me to my wit's end. So go away, before I change my mind."

Victor got up and ran. But in his blindness, he forgot to be cautious. He ran into the wall. With a yell of pain, he fell to the ground. To his dismay, as he sat rubbing his forehead, he could hear the strange man

laughing.

"I definitely won't shoot you. You are too good of entertainment. I think you and the whelp will be good friends."

Victor curled up in the corner, and fell asleep.

The sun was rising over the horizon. Legolas got up and walked around to stretch his legs. "Frodo? You here?" he called softly.

"Lego?"

"Yes."

Frodo peeked out from around a corner. A broad smile split his face. "LEGOLAS!!!!!! It's really you!" He ran to Legolas and heartily embraced his friend. "I was frightened I was here alone."

"I don't think we're here alone. Look." Legolas pointed to the other captors. They saw a skinny man that looked as if he were made of clay curled up in the corner, and a man with long, dark brown hair that could easily pass as a pirate captain. Lastly, they saw a young man that looked like Legolas himself. The boy had black hair of a medium length, and a sweet face.

"I think we've been abducted by aliens. Aliens that look like us." Frodo said seriously.

"Before last night. . . I would have called you mad." Legolas said.

Across the room, the boy with the black hair stirred. His eyes fluttered open. A look of confusion crossed his face. He shook his head and stood. He shifted his gaze across the room, eyeing all the other sleeping prisoners. He stumbled to his feet and found his way over to Legolas.

Legolas didn't quite know what to do. So, he came to the conclusion to mirror whatever motion the boy did. The boy rubbed his face. So did Legolas. The boy ran his fingers through his hair. So did Legolas.

"Who are you? Are you me?" they both said.

The young man reached for the smooth handle on his pistol to remind himself it was still there.

At that instant, Legolas pulled an arrow out from his quiver and held it to the boy's throat, wrapping an arm around the boy's neck to choke him. "You even think about pulling that trigger, and you'll feel my arrow pierce your skull."

"Legolas!" Frodo said. "The aliens must have stolen your personality!"

"I wasn't going to shoot you." the boy growled, struggling under Legolas's hold.

"I'll be the judge of that." Legolas hissed, ignoring Frodo's protests. "Tell me your name."

The boy remained mute. He dare not reach for his gun.

"Your NAME!" Legolas repeated.

"Will Turner."

Legolas released his grip on Will. "I'll take your word for it. This time. Sorry about that. In situations comparable to this, you never know who you can trust. "

Will straightened and rubbed his neck, nodding. "Thank you. I understand. When you've spent a lot of time with him-" Will jerked a finger a the sleeping pirate- "You expect the unexpected."

Frodo walked over to Will. He only came to about Will's chest. "I'm Frodo. Sorry about Lego acting like that. He's. . . not himself. With the events that have happened, I'm surprised I'm normal." He gave an easy smile.

"Lego?" Will smirked.

"Legolas. Call me Legolas."

"Sorry." both Will and Frodo said.

"Who's the clay man?" Frodo said.

Victor was no longer asleep. He yawned. He eyed Legolas and Will with distaste. "Oh, great. Clones." He briefly wondered if the rum man had slipped some rum down his throat when he was sleeping. He looked toward Frodo. With the confusion of not being fully conscious, he mumbled, "Why are you so short?"

"I'm a hobbit."

"A whatzit?"

"A hobbit."

"Oh. I'm Victor."

Frodo gave a short laugh. "Hobbit isn't my name, it's what I am. I don't call you Human, do I? My name's Frodo. "

Victor smiled for the first time since the chaos. He reached out and shook Frodo's outstretched right hand.

The last sleeping body finally stirred. He lifted an empty glass bottle to his lips. "Why is the rum always gone?"

Will's eyes narrowed. "Jack's awake."

"Why isn't that good?" Legolas questioned.

"I don't think he wants to talk about it." Frodo whispered to Legolas as Will continued to stare angrily at the pirate.

Jack noticed Will staring at him. "What?"

Will opened his mouth to reply, but didn't want Legolas, Frodo, or Victor to hear what he had to say.

He kneeled on the ground near Jack.

Astonishing

"Jack," he said.

"Mmhmm?"

He noticed a bruise forming on Jack's jaw. "I wanted to apologize for yesterday."

"Why?" Apparently, Jack's drunken stupor had made him forget about Will punching him.

"I wanted to say I'm sorry I didn't hit you hard enough!" With that, Will fiercely punched Jack again, this time in his ribs. He was astonished to feel Legolas jerk him up off the ground and restrain him.

"Let me go!!" Will protested. He managed to shake Legolas off but did not try to strike Jack another time.

"What are you hitting Jack for? He's only just woke up!" Legolas paused. "Maybe you are dangerous."

"Um, it's _**Captain**_ Jack Sparrow, if you please." Jack interrupted.

"No! You don't understand!" Will replied. "He made out with my fiancee!"

Legolas's jaw dropped. "Well, of all the beastly things to do-"

"Wait. _She_ kissed _me_. I was nothing but an almost innocent bystander. Savvy?" Those had been the very same words he had said to Will when Will had first confronted him.

"Look, Sparrow," Will began. "I'm sorry. Truly. I don't know what came over me."

"Happens to the best of us. And by the best of us, I mean me. I may be a pirate, but I can also be forgiving. At least, I will be forgiving to a point." Jack offered Will a fresh bottle of rum, which Will pushed to the side. Jack shrugged and lifted it to his lips.

By now it was noon, although none of the captors could know. They had all become acquainted, and liked each other fairly well. They were no longer in pitch black, however, because Frodo had found a switch on the wall that miraculously turned the lights on.

"They burn with the intensity of a thousand candles." he had said.

The five sat pleasantly talking on the floor. Will had relaxed, Frodo was conjuring up cheerful conversation with everyone, Jack was drinking rum, and Legolas was teaching Victor how to use a bow and arrow.

All was going well.

"What's that?" Will asked, suddenly nervous. He could feel a vibration pulsing through the cold, hard floor.

Jack's eyes widened. He toke hold of his sword. "If it's that bloody Krakken come to swallow me once more, I'll stab him in the eye!"

"It's not the Krakken." Will said.

"Krakken?" Frodo asked nervously.

"It's only a sea monster that swallowed Captain Jack." Will said dryly.

The floor quivered. A crack tarnished the floor. It spread into a thousand little cracks that split the ground. Pieces shattered and fell.

The five men tried to reach a wall to lean against, but the floor broke faster than they could run, shattering into a thousand pieces. Too rapidly, they lost all the ground they had left. They plunged into the unknown below them, mortal fear clutching their hearts.


	3. The Beastie

Chapter 3

Bright lights of every color surrounded the men as they plummeted toward the ground. They hit something rock hard and bounced back up. In some unknown way, Jack managed to draw his sword when he was twisting around in midair. On his way down, he shoved his sword into the rock, and miraculously pierced its skin.

"Hah!" he shouted. His hand tightened on the hilt, the rock's smooth surface forever punctured.

There was a roar of fury and the beast sprang to life. It surged forward, moving faster than the Black Pearl in a storm.

The men swerved, caught off guard by the sudden motion. Legolas captured his balance first and put a hand out to steady Frodo who in turn saved Victor from falling to an untimely death.

Will drew his sword and plunged it into the beast's neck with a roar.

The monster stubbornly refused to halt. The endless beams of light pulsing from its eyes turned red, and the creature turned a corner on the black rock river. Mountains of black buildings touched the sky on both sides of the river. Yellow light came forth from squares in their sides.

Jack shoved his sword into the beast's back, and Will did the same. They both repeatedly struck the monster, sheets of metal like skin falling off into the rock river and oddly not sinking.

Legolas shot three arrows into the monster's head. The monster roared once more, and gained speed.

The wind nearly knocked Victor off. He found a sheet of rocky, metal skin and hung on, his body flying in the wind. His hair streamed back, his pale face holding an expression of fear. His fingers slipped. He found himself falling slowly, unable to hold on.

Frodo quickly glanced behind him and saw Victor slide over the edge. Faster than he knew he cold go, he scrambled to the edge and wrapped his fingers around Victor's wrist, hauling him back up and over the edge.

"Thank you." Victor gasped.

Jack wrapped his fingers around the hilt of his sword yet again, attempting to pull it out of the beast. This time, he succeeded.

Will plunged his sword into the creature for what he hoped was the last time. He wiped the sweat off of his shiny forehead. The beast halted abruptly, throwing him off his feet.

As the other men fell, Jack (being closest to the monster's head) plunged his sword into the beasts metal flesh one more time to have a handhold that would keep him from catapulting off. Will did the same as Legolas shoved another arrow through what he hoped was the beast's heart. He grabbed Frodo's wrist, who in turn grabbed Victor who nearly fell again.

The stars in the night sky looked down upon Will, Jack, Frodo, Victor and Legolas as the monster they were riding upon came to a halt. Other monsters resembling the one they rode upon raced by them at breakneck speed. Some roared, but others were nearly silent.

There was a hiss from the monster and a woman in a blue uniform stepped out, much to the shock of the men on the roof.

"What do you think you are doin'? Look at what you did to my bus! Do you know how much money will come out of my paycheck because of this? You think you cam just come dressed up in those funny costumes and do whatever you want?

You all are so crazy! I'm gonna come up there and show you a thing or two!!!"

Legolas jumped down with supernatural Elven speed. He gently took the enraged woman's hand and tenderly kissed it. "Madame, I am so sorry. Please forgive us." He kissed her hand again.

Jack swung down off of the "beast" and stood next to Legolas. He gave an exaggerated bow, lifting his hat from his head and placing it over his heart. "My dear, we hope you are proud that we have vanquished your beast. This fearsome beastie here is worse than the Krakken, but I single handedly-" Jack got cut off when Legolas pushed him back.

"I've got this, okay?" Legolas said to Captain Jack. "And, you're not the only one who killed it. Shut it."

He turned back to the woman. "I assure you, we meant no harm."

"Yes we did." Jack said. Legolas pulled out an arrow and held it to Jack's face.

Jack swallowed nervously. "I'll stop. I promise." He climbed back up the side of the bus.

"Hey, I know you!" the woman said.

"You do?" Legolas asked, shocked.

"Yea. You're Legolas-"

Legolas let a hint of fear creep up into his blue eyes. "She's a stalker!" he thought.

"No, your Orlando! Hey, everybody-" The words she spoke were snuffed into silence as Legolas clamped a hand over her mouth.

"Yes. I am. I need your help."

She nodded.

"You need to let no one know we're here." He took his hand off her mouth.

"I can do that. Just hide back on the roof of the bus. I'll be right back." She stepped into the bus as Legolas jumped onto the roof.

"Alright!" she said to her passengers. "I'm gonna need you to vacate the bus, alright? You all heard me. I'll bet they heard me in Texas! Now get!"

Legolas heard groans from the passengers as they reluctantly exited the bus.

A minute after they all were gone, the woman came out. "It's safe, Orlando. You and your friends had better be quick, though."

Legolas swung down and smiled at her.

"Did I ever introduce myself?" she said. "I'm Roxy."

"I'm Leg- Orlando. These are-"

"Johnny Depp, Elijah Wood, another Orlando Bloom and the clay guy from the Corpse Bride? What is going on? Am I being Punk'd? Are there camera guys everywhere?"

Jack decided to play along. "Yep. . . Am I Elijah Wood?"

"Oh, Johnny, you're so funny!" Roxy playfully slapped his arm.

"I'll take your word for it." he said.

They made it onto the bus without anyone noticing. Each man, elf and hobbit learned the name that Roxy called them and decided to play along with whatever she said. . . within limits.

The headlights flashed onto a sign when Roxy braked for the night. It was unreadable to Legolas, but he didn't say anything until Roxy went into the backseat of the bus to sleep.

When she was gone, Legolas nudged Frodo. "What does that say?"

Frodo stared at it for a minute. "It's in some foreign tongue."

"I can read it." Jack said.

"You can read?" Will was shocked.

"There's a lot you don't know about me. I surprise everyone." Jack answered.

"No doubt."

"It says. . ."(Here Jack squinted a bit for a dramatic effect.) "Welcome to New York City."


	4. He's Going After The Pink Panther

Chapter 4

"This 'New York City' is a place where nothing is as it seems." Will said to Legolas as Legolas placed a new string in his bow.

Roxy had turned out to be rich with a splendor beyond anything the men had ever seen. Her home, (which was "The size of Elizabeth's mansion," as Will had said upon their arrival), had three bedrooms and indoor plumbing. There was even a room filled with large, soft, fluffy logs Roxy called couches. In a wooden case, there was a flat, silver box called a TV, which was controlled by a flat rectangle device called a remote control. The remote controlled the picture that the TV showed.

Legolas and Frodo both agreed to the fact it was more incredible than anything Gandalf had done so far, while Jack and Will believed it was something only Tia Dalma could create.

Frodo looked through the case of DVD's, as Roxy called them, to find something to watch. He lifted up one.

"Jack," he called, "Can you read this?"

"It's The Pink Panther. Steve Martin. Beyonce Knowles. Kevin Klein. Special Edition. Get A Clue. That's all it says, and not necessarily in that order."

"Let's watch it." Legolas suggested.

The others agreed.

"I don't know what that box was talking about." Jack said two hours later. "There was no one named Steve Martin or Beyonce in that. Just Inspector Jacques Clouseau, and that beauty, Xania."

Victor smiled. "I rather liked that."

"The girl or the movie?" Frodo asked.

"Both."

"I liked her, too. She's quite lovely if you ask me." Frodo said.

"No one asked you." Legolas said drowsily.

Jack sank deeper into the couch, drowning in an ocean of thought. "I'm going to do it."

"Do what?" an irritated Will asked. Jack's words had woken him from his first peaceful sleep since before he had met Jack. He reached for his mug of hot chocolate.

"I'm going after the Pink Panther Diamond."

"What?" Will was suddenly awake.

"I'm going after the Pink Panther Diamond." Jack repeated.


	5. The Fellowship Of The Diamond

Chapter 5

"Why Jack? Why? You have riches worth more than a thousand lifetimes of honest toil back in Isle De Muerta. . ."

"It flooded and all the treasures have vanished." Jack stated, interrupting Will. "I know who has it, I know where it is, and I'm going to take it."

"But it's a fool's errand, Jack. What makes you thing that Xania would hand it over to you? One, she'd think you a fool for even asking. Secondly, it was her engagement ring, Jack. Thirdly, Xania doesn't look like the type of person to suffer fools nor strike a bargain with one."

"Then it's a very good thing I'm not a fool then, aye?" Jack's smile suddenly morphed to a frown. "This seems oddly familiar. Have we done this before?"

"No. Not us. Maybe that time you were talking to Gibbs in Tortuga." Will replied.

"Yes. That's it. Anyway, We're here, Mr. Turner, in New York City. We should give it a try."

"Jack," Will's voice cut through Jack's daydream about Xania.

"Oh. I know what you are going to say. Xania lives in Paris, doesn't she?"

Will nodded.

"Then we will go to Paris!" Jack said. He consulted his compass.

Frodo looked up from the floor. He was intrigued a book entitled, 'Your Diet and You'. "Paris?"

"Jack wants to go to Paris to retrieve the Pink Panther Diamond from Xania." Will explained.

Frodo shook his head, obviously doubting Jack' willpower.

"I'm going after The Pink Panther Diamond, although I do not know the way. . . yet. Who's with me?" Jack said, full of determination. He raised his fist in the air.

Will sighed. "Take my axe, because I will be along as well."

"Thank you, young William."

"And take my bow." Legolas said, standing up.

"This all seems eerily familiar, but. . .take my sword. It turns blue when orcs are near." Frodo grinned.

"Although I doubt we will encounter any orcs, Mr. Frodo, I would be ashamed to say you couldn't come." Jack said in true pirate captain style.

"I don't have much to offer, but take my. . . me." Victor said softly.

And thus, The Fellowship Of The Pink Panther Diamond was born.


	6. The Journey to the Airport

Chapter 6

They left Roxy's house at midnight that night. Jack's compass led them to the shoreline after many days of trekking across the landscape.

The compass had brought them to Long Island Sound. Gentle waves kissed the shore. A delightful breeze brought the salty aroma of the sea to the men.

Jack inhaled deeply, breathing the smell of the sea, the smell of freedom. "Lads, I believe we have made it."

"Captain, we have a problem." Victor said, bringing the obvious to everyone's attention. "There is no ship that will be able to withstand a journey to Paris."

"Oh." Jack's disappointment was indiscreet.

"If you're trying to get to Paris, the best and the quickest way would be a plane." said a man. He was leaning against a brown, wooden fence next to a grassy field.

"A plane?" Frodo asked.

"Yea. It flies you places." The man spoke as if he was speaking to a half-wit.

"I know that. I know what it is. Don't think I don't." Jack said.

"Then why didn't you buy a plane ticket for you and your. . . friends instead of attempting to commandeer a schooner like you were Captain Jack Sparrow or something?" the man said, obviously blind to the fact he was speaking to Captain Jack Sparrow himself.

As Jack opened his mouth to reply, Legolas beat him to it. "Where is the nearest airport?"

The man jerked his thumb to the left as he told him the directions.

Legolas nodded. Captain Jack flipped his compass open. The arrow matched the direction the man had pointed in.

Will thanked the man as they left.

They took a taxi to the airport. When it was revealed they had no money to pay the driver, he forgave them and said Johnny Depp, Orlando Bloom and Elijah Wood shouldn't have to pay him, and neither should their "stunt doubles". Little did he know, Will and Victor were obviously not stunt doubles.

"Besides," he had added, "Making a fourth _Lord of the Rings _and a fourth _Pirates of the Caribbean _was payment enough."

They arrived at the airport in a matter of hours. The path was hard, full of hills, grass, and ditches. Finally, they reached a flat, rock road like they had been on that fateful night they had arrived in New York City.

Assuming the path was safe because it was easy, the pirate, the blacksmith, the elf, the hobbit, and Victor continued along it for some time.

A roar in the sky caught them off guard, and they looked toward the clouds to see a winged metal monster coming to land on them. They barely escaped in time.

"If that was a plane," Frodo said once they were safely hidden behind a large building, "Then I believe we have arrived."

The journey there was the easiest part of their encounter with the airport.


	7. Arrested for Weaponry

Chapter 7

Men in blue shirts mobbed them the instant they walked in. They called themselves. "Security."

"Uh, excuse me, Sirs," the chubby one said. "You'll need to come with me."

"Why?" Frodo asked.

"For possession of weaponry, and even more, the threat of terrorism that you four have created by walking in here."

"Terrorism?" Victor gulped. "We're not terrorizing anybody!"

"Sir, are you with these four?"

"Me? No. Just a bystander!"

"You still need to come with us." the chubby man said. His name tag read Officer Hogan.

The men around him clapped handcuffs onto the hobbit, the elf, the pirates, and the clay man.

"You. Pale man." Another officer motioned to Victor.

"Victor."

"You don't look so great. After we're done here, I'm taking you to the hospital."

Victor swallowed nervously. "Done with me?"

The officers began to lead the "criminals" to the security office. People stared, wondering why these mega-stars were in trouble.

"Nothing to see here!" An officer with chocolate skin call out into the crowd. "We're just going to confiscate their weapons and cart them off to jail."

"No!!!!" A woman in the crowd screamed. "Don't take Johnny Depp to jail! Can't you see he's filming_ Pirates_ 4? Look- Orlando's with him. Clearly they are on their way back to St. Vincent and the Grenadines to film! Hi, Orly! You look good! Who's your look alike? He makes a great Legolas!!"

Her husband yanked her back in to the crowd and told her to shut up. He also unkindly added she was making a fool of herself.

Another girl in the crowd let out an ear piercing shriek.

"Elijah Wood! Oh no way! I love you! I am, like, the HUGEST fan of LOTR ever!!" She punched the arm of the girl next to her. "See, Alena? I told you he literally became the character!!"

"Yea, I know, Kate. You've only said it a thousand times." Frodo couldn't help hearing Alena's reply. He smiled at Kate, and she grinned and waved back.

"Who's Johnny Depp and Orlando Bloom?" Another officer asked. His name tag read Officer Holtz.

Captain Jack Sparrow drew himself up to his tallest. "You don't know who I am?"

He looked Officer Holtz up and down. "I could take you."

"Excuse me?"

"Excuse _me_. I am the award-winning actor, Johnny Depp. Can't you tell my friends and I are on our way to film _Pirates _4? We're doing this so you can enjoy it. Savvy?"

"Savvy, Johnny?"

Captain Jack rolled his eyes. "Forgive me for being so in depthly in character. How can you not, when you are dressed in these? Look at me! These clothes are only fit for a fantastic pirate such as myself. . .I mean Captain Jack."

"What about the lady?"

"I'm an ELF!! A MALE ELF!!"

"Yes," Will added. "Just because he has perfect hair doesn't mean he's a woman."

"Or does it?" Jack smirked. "You know what? I am so dignified, I won't make fun of you, Legolas."

"Thank you."

"I'll have Frodo do it for me. Frodo, you heard your orders."

"I would never!"

"Good for you." Jack said.

Officer Holtz cleared his throat. "Whoever you are -or claim to be- you're still coming with me. 'Savvy?'"

He and the other officers led Captain jack, Legolas, Frodo, Will, and Victor away to the security office, where they would be detained until it became time to do the time for the crime.

Three figures decided to skip their flights and follow the men, hoping they could set them free.


	8. Jailbreak!

Chapter 8

"Do you believe we could break out?" Jack asked his hallucination, First Mate Sparrow.

"What about that pathetic blacksmith boy's leverage way?" First Mate Jack replied.

The elf, the hobbit, the pirate, the blacksmith, and Victor had been arrested and sent to jail. Since they had been caught with weapons on them, the police had been called and they had been taken to jail.

"Is he always this bizarre?" Legolas asked Will.

Will sighed. "If you think this is bad, you should have seen him in the Locker. It was like there was an entire crew for the Pearl. . .all made up of Jack."

"Will! Captain Jack and I were wondering if these bars are as breakable as the ones in Port Royal. Do you think the right. . .leverage might help us out?" the hallucination asked.

Will didn't respond.

"He can't hear you." Captain Jack said to First Mate Jack. "Let me try."

He repeated First Mate Jack's question.

"Well, I suppose it's possible, but these are no half pin barrel hinges. It would take more than a bomb to escape." Will replied.

"Humph." First Mate Jack grunted.

Darkness fell eventually. A police man came to take all of the men for questioning.

"Right this way, lads. I tell you, it is nice finally havin' a job in the States these days. Even if it is working with convicts such as yourselves." he talked cheerfully, with a sweet voice. "You all don't seem so bad. Wish I could help you out, I do."

"Liar." First Mate Jack said, now conscious of the fact he couldn't be heard by anyone but Jack. "Wait. Why am I here? I'm no convict! Goodbye Captain Sparrow!" He shook the handcuffs off his wrists and left. He had now realized he couldn't be seen by anyone but Jack either.

"You'll be keel hauled next time I see you!" Jack growled.

"What's the funny dressed fellow doing?" the guard whispered to Will.

"If we knew. . .we'd tell you." Will said.

"Well! Here we are. I'll be escorting you all back to your cells later. See you then, lads!" He locked them in the room and vanished.

"Well. He's nice." Jack's new hallucination replied. This would be Peanut Jack. "I'd like him better if he had some peanuts."

"Of corse you would. But if he did, they'd be mine, savvy? I'd shoot you, but they took my pistol." Jack replied.

The door opened suddenly. Three officers walked in.

"You gentlemen will have to come with us." That was all they said.

The officers took them to one of those oddly shaped life boats with lights on the front.

"Please enter the car." They shortest one said.

They drove far from the prison. When they passed a sign that said, "Welcome to Kentucky", the officers ripped off their hats, revealing the fact that they weren't actual officers. It was the woman in the crowd, Alena and Kate.

"Woohoo! We did it!!" Alena yelled.

"You broke us out of jail that easily?" Frodo asked.

"Yea. You'd think for a prison, they'd have tighter security, but they were surprisingly easy to preform a snatch and grab mission." Kate replied.

"Snatch and grab?" Victor asked.

"Rescue." Kate said.

"You must be mad." Captain Jack said.

"Well thank goodness for that because if we weren't, that never would have worked."

"That sounds like something we would say." Peanut Jack whispered.

"You're right." Captain Jack said. To Alena, he muttered, "You stole my words!"

They drove into the night and hid out at Alena and Kate's house.


	9. The Brief Return of Hector Barbossa

Chapter 9

"Jack. . ."

Jack heard his name drifting through the air. He opened his eyes, waking up from yet another strange dream.

"Barbossa? I killed you. You're dead. What could you possibly want?" Jack glared at Barbossa. A thought suddenly entered his mind. "If it's the Pearl you want, you can't have it."

Hector Barbossa gave an evil laugh. "It's not the Pearl I came for, Jackie."

"You didn't?"

"Oh, not at all."

Barbossa reached down and cocked his pistol. "The time has come for my revenge, Jackie." He pushed it against Jack's chest, laughing maniacally.

"Revenge? Barbossa, I simply took the liberty of relieving you of this horrible life and sending you into the comforts of the next one. If anything, you should be thanking me."

"Let me do the same for you then. But first, allow me to tell you why."

Jack agreed, hoping it would buy him enough time to trick Barbossa into letting him go.

Barbossa reached into his pocket. "You want to know what I have, don't ya Jackie?"

"Since when have you started calling me Jackie?"

"Barbossa pulled a black ink pen from his pocket and hurled it at Jack's face.

"This be my black pen, Jackie! Mine! I've sailed the world on it and it belongs to me! I rightfully ricked you out of it when I led that mutiny! Look at it. It be my black pen, mine and mine only. Not yours."

"Don't you mean Black Pearl?"

"Please Jack, there are more important things than that stupid obsession of your over that ship. Like me pen!" He pushed his gun against Jack's chest once more, as if to remind him it was still there. Jack hadn't forgotten. "Admit you want it and you can't have it because it's all MINE!!!"

His teeth were as filthy as ever, Jack noticed. And his breath was rotten like really bad eggs.

"If I did, I'd be lying." Jack muttered. "And your breath is rotten like really bad eggs. Here, enjoy this nice, mouth cleaning mint Alena gave me. It's called gum. You chew it."

"Alright." Barbossa took the gum and placed it in his mouth. "Now, let me shoot you."

"No!"

"Deal."

"What?"

"If you didn't want me to bury me bullet in your heart, all you had to do was say so." Barbossa pocketed his pistol.

Jack rubbed his temples. "I must be insane."

Barbossa placed a comforting hand on Jack's shoulder. "We knew that."

"Jack!"

"Jack!"

"Jack!"

"Stop calling me, Barbossa! You're right in front of me."

"It's not me!"

Peanut Jack, First Mate Jack, Not-the-smartest Jack, and several more Barbossas entered the room.

"We've come to get you Jackie!" They all said in unison.

"No!"

"That won't help you this time." First Mate Barbossa said. He motioned to First Mate Jack. "Throw your sword at him."

First Mate Jack unsheathed his sword. He poised it, ready to throw.

"Leave this boy alone! Can't you see he's Johnny Depp?"

Jack raised his eyes to the woman who had just entered. "Roxy?"

"Who else, Johnny? Now, let me take care of all these hallucinations. They'll be gone quicker than you can say Roxy!"

Jack closed his eyes. "Roxy." Upon opening his eyes, he saw everyone still there. He groaned.

The room started to spin. Everyone stood still as the room spun out of control. Jack fell from his feet through the floor.

". . .This be my black pen Jackie. . ."

". . .Throw your sword, First Mate Jack. . ."

". . .Faster than you can say Roxy. . ."

". . .Jack. . ."

This last voice wouldn't go away. Jack felt a gentle touch on his left arm. "Jack."

He opened his eyes for the first true time. "Alena?"

"That must have been one heck of a dream, Johnny-Jack."

"Captain." he said weakly.

"Come on. We've got to get you on your flight to Paris."


	10. This Crazy Airport Trip

Chapter 10

This trip to the airport was much more peaceful than the first. Alena and Kate had graciously gifted the Fellowship of the Diamond suitcases for their weapons and bought first class tickets for them, paid for by the woman. (She had stayed home due to a slight cold.) They were also driven by Alena to the airport in one of those little monsters called _cars_, which Frodo found especially pleasant.

The Fellowship had grown quite fond of Alena, Kate, and the woman, so they found it quite hard to say goodbye. They managed to find a private closet to say good bye in. They needed the privacy so people wouldn't mistake them for who they weren't.

"We'll miss you so much!" Kate said to Frodo." You're so cool." She smiled and hugged him as she spoke, his head barely resting on her shoulder.

He looked up at her, staring into her sweet emerald eyes. "I'll miss you too. After all, a hobbit is bound to miss the incredibly beautiful woman who bailed him out of jail."

He stood up to his tallest and lightly kissed her lips. "If you are ever in Middle Earth, or the Shire, look for me."

"I will." she promised, laughing a little. She kissed him back. "Now we're even."

"Not quite." He kissed her once more, and she returned his kiss.

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Alena suddenly found Legolas standing beside her.

"It was really cool meeting you, Legolas. I'm sorry I called you Orlando so much." Alena said.

"Please, don't be." Legolas replied. "It was no problem."

There was a long, awkward pause. The clock ticked obnoxiously, second by second.

"All passengers boarding the flight to London, please report to Gate 9A." the loudspeaker blared, and then repeated it in French and Spanish.

Tick, tick, tick.

"So. . . " Alena said, brushing back her hair.

"They're going to call us next." Legolas said.

"Possibly," Alena answered, nervously examining her fingernails.

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Jack pulled Victor aside. "Do you see this?"

"See what?"

Jack glared at him. "You idiot! Look. Frodo and Caitlin are enjoying eachother's company immensly. Legolas and Alena obviously want to enjoy eachother's company, but aren't for some unknown reason. Do you see what is wrong here?"

"Kate."

"What?"

"Her name is Kate. You called her Caitlin." Victor pointed out.

"That is beside the point, and therefore unworthy of being mentioned." Jack replied. Kate somehow bugged him.

"Then what is the point, Jackie?"

At the sound of the voice, Jack froze, his eyes widening. That voice rang bells in his head he didn't need rung. He saw Left Shoulder Jack, Right Shoulder Jack, and Peanut Jack walk toward him with a confident swagger.

"What are you doing here?"Jack gasped. "i thought I left you in the locker. . . or in that dream I had last night. . . . which strangely enough," - here he motioned to the shoulder Jacks- "neither of you were in."

"You need to see the truth you've been avoiding, Sparrow. You are so obviously jealous that Alena is with Legolas instead of you. You know, deep down, that you love her. You must, to be feeling this much of a rush of jealousy toward them." Right Shoulder Jack pointed out.

"No, you filthy idiot. I do not love her.I just think it is incredibly stupid thatafter they break us out of prision, repeatedly mistake me for Johhny Depp, and get to know the amazing me, that not one of them fell for me." Jack muttered with his arms crossed.

"You've been very moody lately. Are you alright?" Left Shoulder Jack said, placing a comforting hand on Jack's left shoulder.

"There's been no rum."

There was an understanding nod from the other three Jacks.

"I'd feel more comfortable the two of you would shrink and reside on your appropriate shoulders." Jack said. "What is the reason for your largeness, anyway?"

Right Shoulder Jack shrugged. "To make Penut Jack more comfotable. . . .and. . .we were hoping you had rum."

"Penut Jack . . . why are you here?" Jack Sparrow turned to Penut Jack, as if seeing him for the first time. "Why is he here?"

"The locker got boring without you, mate." He stepped closer to the actual Jack. "Did you miss me?"

Captain Jack Sparrow took one large step closer to Penut Jack and looked him straight in the eye. "No."

Penut Jack turned to go, simply ready to leave the overly crowded closet.

Jack's face split into a grin. "Of course I missed you, but only a little."

Breaching any type of formality left, Penut Jack boldly reached over and hugged his captain.

By now, Victor was getting completely confused, having heard everything that Jack had said. The hug, though, made things more than a little awkward. Victor calmly did the only logical choice. He went over to converse with Alena and Legolas. He got as far away as he could from Jack, regardless of the size of the closet. He needed to get away from the Bizzare Captain Jack Sparrow.

"So, Jack, have you yet realized that you love-" Left Shoulder Jack was inturrupted by the loud speaker.

Top of Form 1

Bottom of Form 1

"Flight 746 to Paris now boarding. All passengers please report to Gate 12."

"We'll have to continue this conversation on the plane." Left Shoulder Jack said.

"No," the real Jack said. "We'll drop it and bury it like Davy Jones did with that monstrous chest of his. I'll see you in Paris. But before I go, do either of you have any rum?"

He was handed three large bottles instantaneously. He chugged all three on the way to gate 12.

"Let me walk with you to the gate." Kate said to Frodo. "I will miss you miss you so much."

"We'll find each other one day." Frodo promised. "Whether it be in Middle Earth or your world."

He kissed her once more to make his promise official.

The walk to Gate 12 was a silent one. Frodo kissed Kate one more time and held her close before boarding. He also hugged Alena goodbye, but less passionately. He then boarded, without a look back. Victor followed him.

Legolas paused before boarding their flight. "Alena."

"Yes?" There was hope in her voice.

"Come with me."

The invitation she'd been hoping for, silently, secretly. "I can't."

"Why?" He sounded hurt.

"Why do you want me to come?" She spoke nervously, inaudibly.

He leaned down and gave her the most passionate kiss he had ever given anyone, the most passionate kiss she had ever felt. She kissed him back, loving him all the more.

"I'll find you." he said.

"I know." She stroked his hair.

After a last, long look at each other, and one more kiss, Legolas finally boarded.

Jack was the second to last to board. He knew he was just intoxicated enough to pull this off.

He said a hollow goodbye to Kate, and turned to Alena. He tenderly grabbed her, and passionately kissed her repeatedly.

"Don't forget me."

"I won't." she promised.

Will shoved Jack on ahead of him. He hugged both girls and kissed their faces.

"I hope we have the fortune of meeting again. I think you two would really love Elizabeth."

"I think we would, too." Alena and Kate said.

"Goodbye, Will!" Alena said.

"Goodbye!" Kate echoed.

One last hug from Will for the both of them and Will was gone.

Alena and Kate watched the plane take off. . . .

"There goes a bunch of great guys." Kate said.

Alena only nodded, but she thought, "There goes a couple of great kissers."

The Fellowship of the Diamond was finally on their way to Paris.


	11. Debate Of The Existence Of Sweeney Todd

Chapter 11

The Fellowship of the Diamond reclined in the seats, watching the screens intently. They had been told the movie would come on soon, (they had learned the stories on the "magic" box were called movies), and so, they sat expectantly, and stared at the trailers for other movies.

The screen darkened. A man who looked a bit like Jack and Victor came onto the screen. His skin was deathly pale, his eye evil. His hair was jet black, with a streak of white splashed onto it. A wicked smile danced on his face. His image chilled Victor to the bone. He recognized him.

The trailer played on, but it was a blur to Victor. Fear had gripped his heart, and refused to let go. "Sweeney . . . Todd."

Then, the name of the man flashed across the screen- 'Sweeney Todd' in bright red, bloody letters.

"I thought he died." Victor shuddered, thinking that horrible man could still be alive.

"You know him?" Will asked.

"Only in my nightmares. I've never had the misfortune of meeting him, thank God, I've only had to see him from a distance. But, it's never been a distance far enough for me. Many a poor man went into his barber shop for a shave and were never heard from again. His crimes were finally unearthed one day. He was the demon barber of Fleet Street."

"We saw that on the screen." Frodo said. "Why are you so disturbed? We honestly don't know whether or not the man even existed. This could be as fake as those magazine tabloids."

Apparently Frodo had spent a lot of time looking around the airport before the flight.

"Based on his description, I wouldn't doubt his existence." Legolas said.

Victor's eyes grew wide. "He's not fake, much as I wish he was. He's as real as you and I are."

Jack laughed. "That's not saying much, since you look a bit like clay, and Frodo is a bit on the short side."

"He existed. I saw his barber shop, but thankfully not the inside of it. I saw men go in and never come out. They were never heard from again. My best friend's father's employer went in for a shave and never returned."

"Let's send Beckett in. We'd have no more problems with the East India Company." Jack suggested.

"It's a fate I'd wish on no man, no matter how despised." Fear was evident on Victor's faced. "Todd's accomplice, Mrs. Lovett, would slice up the remnants of his victims and bake them into the meat pies in her shop. He eventually killed even her."

"So why not send Beckett? Send in an undercover person to give Beckett a certificate. He's accept the gift, and then he'll die. It's simple, and easy to remember. We'll be able to go about our business without worrying about getting hung. . . or shot. . . or killed in some other grisly fashion." Jack said.

"Until he turns around and kills you too." Victor said. "He kills everyone, no matter to him if they were close or not. The easiest way to die is if you recognize him as Benjamin Barker."

"Who's Benjamin Barker?"

Victor's surfaced memories horrified him to much for him to continue.

At that point, te last trailer ended. The screen faded to black, and the movie began to play. Ironically, it was the movie that had inspired Jack to make and take the Fellowship to Paris. The movie was _The Pink Panther. _

Jack desired that diamond more than anything. It would be worth a shiny penny when they got back . . . if they got back. And even better, no one would suspect him for stealing it. They'd all think it was that Johnny Depp fellow every one thought he was. Stealing it wouldn't give him the same rush, but maybe it would be a better one.

"Is that all you think about?"

Jack rolled his eyes. "Not you again. Just go away."

Right Shoulder Jack and Left shoulder Jack were both perched on their appropriate shoulders, and Peanut Jack was sitting next to him , munching on a bag of airplane peanuts, not looking very interested in what was going on around him.

"Miss us, Captain?" Left Shoulder Jack asked.

"Not particularly. Just what makes you think you can follow me wherever I may choose to go?"

"We live in your head. You bring us without meaning to." Left Shoulder Jack laughed.

"About that diamond, Captain. How are you going to go about getting it?" Right Shoulder Jack wondered.

"I'd believe he has a plan all his own." Lefty Jack said.

"Really? I always thought he made it up as he went along." Righty Jack replied. "But no matter how he goes about getting it, it always turns out right in the end."

"Ahem." Captain Jack Sparrow interrupted. "When my mind starts having conversations without me, it makes me want to stab you both like I did to Shirtless Jack in the Locker. Savvy?"

"Sorry, Captain." Righty Jack apologized.

"But about this man. . . the one Victor mentioned. The scary one." Lefty Jack muttered. "I doubt he really lived."

"As do I." Jack said.

"Actually, the man would have lived about a hundred or more years after us. He could have lived and we'd never have known." Righty Jack said.

"Shut it." Lefty muttered.

"If you two are going to debate the existence of Sweeney Todd, I'd appreciate it if you'd do it else where." Sparrow groaned. He really didn't care if the man was real or not; but he did want to be left alone.

The two Shoulder Sparrows vanished.

Jack reclined the seat a bit, intending to go to sleep. What he saw instead was Peanut Jack, munching on the airplane peanuts.

He sighed. If this one didn't talk, he could stay.

As he drifted off to sleep, he heard the crinkle of the bag, then a dismayed: "I'm out of peanuts."

He smiled to himself. Peanut Jack had always been his favorite.


	12. Is A Dream A Wish Your Heart Makes?

Frodo stared out of the window of the plane to the ground below

Frodo stared out of the window of the plane to the ground below. Flying was a bit intimidating to him, since no hobbit in history had ever been this high off the ground, but he was beginning to enjoy it. He had the whole row of seats to himself, and was taking the time of solitude to reflect. His mind wandered to the Shire, the real Fellowship of the Ring, to Sam and even to the taste of strawberries. He's had none since he'd left home, and wasn't even sure they were available in this new world.

Sometimes, he thought of Bilbo and Gandalf, and the stories they'd told, just to comfort himself and keep him going when he was so far from home, doing things no hobbit had ever done before. At times he was so confused. . . he would wish for Aragorn's guidance, or one of Pippin's or Merry's jokes. He even missed the opportunity to laugh at a silly argument between Legolas and Gimli. (He had a sneaking suspicion Legolas was missing it was well.) His piercing blue eyes held a vacant star as his mind became more and more occupied.

He was jolted out of his serenity by an evil hiss.

"Fro-do."

His heart stopped. Ice raced up his back. He knew the voice. He lived in fear of it.

Ring Wraiths.

He opened his eyes, surprised he was still alive enough to do so, surprised his heart was still beating, rapid as the pace was.

He was in a forest, which was odd, since he couldn't even recall getting off the plane. Oh, well. The grass felt nice to his feet, much better than the cold (or hot, depending on the weather) pavement of the world called New York.

The forest was dark, but sunlight broke through the leaves of the trees. He looked around him; no Ring Wraiths. That didn't mean they weren't there, however.

He glanced around nervously, praying they had gone. The had stopped the pursuit months ago; why return now?

He hid in the shadows until he came to a small village.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

He opened the door to a tavern that seemed more than familiar. _The Green Dragon_ was etched on the wall above the bar, something that had not been there the last time Frodo had.

A smile spread across his face. He was so happy just to welcome the simple pleasure of being in a familiar place. He ordered a drink, and sat down at a lonely table. He sipped his drink and enjoyed the peace.

"Frodo?" 

He jumped at hearing his name. A look revealed he had no reason to, however.

"Merry!" He grinned.

"Frodo!! Frodo Baggins!! Who knew after all this time, we'd end up together?"

The friends embraced, and Frodo was even more pleased to see Pippin behind Merry.

"What do they put in this stuff? I must be hallucinatin'. It looks to be Frodo you're huggin' Merry!"

Frodo laughed and hugged his friend. "Pippin, Pippin, it is me!"

"Well then, this whiskery is strong!!" Pippin laughed.

They reunion was sweet. Frodo gave them every detail of what had happened since they had been separated.

"That's definitely a story for the books." Pippin laughed. "Those people you are with, you and Legolas, they sound very interesting. Different types of characters than we are accustomed to."

Frodo laughed. "Yes, but you get used to them."

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

They slept in the hotel that night, gorging themselves on strawberries and whiskey, singing at the top of their lungs and swapping stories. They laughed together, and just relaxed. It almost began to feel like normal.

Frodo bit into a plump, juicy strawberry. "I think it would be fantastic if they made strawberry flavored drinks, don't you agree?"

Merry's face contorted into an odd look.

"What? We could figure out the recipe, and sell it."

"It'd never catch on." Merry replied.

"Why not?"

"Strawberries are for eating, not for drinking or flavoring stuff with."

Frodo shrugged. "I suppose you're right."

They ate strawberries until their bellies were bursting.

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"Frodo?"

Foggy, and groggy, Frodo stirred.

"Frodo, it's me, Legolas. Wake up. The plane is landing."


	13. The Streets Of Paris

The Streets of Paris were incredibly similar, if not identical to the streets of New York, Legolas decided

_**A/N:If all of you faithful people who put this on your story alert had thought another update wasn't coming for months, well. . . SURPRISE!! Haha. I wrote this because **__**Grogie13**_ _** was right. I hadn't updated in forever. So, here's an about 6 page entry, just for you!! Enjoy and please R&R!!**_

_**Lovelovelovelovelove, Sapphire**___

The Streets of Paris were incredibly similar, if not identical to the streets of New York, Legolas decided. Except, in place of the New York skyscrapers, Paris had countless museums and a tall building in called the Iffle Tower. Legolas dismissed it as being unimportant.

Will pulled Jack aside as the Fellowship was walking by a café near the Iffle Tower. "Alright, Jack. You've gotten your way so far, but now what? We're here in the middle of Paris with no way to find Xania and get your diamond. Why are we venturing on this quest anyway?"

"Because I'm the Captain and I said so." The French air was getting to Jack's head. He weighed the options. He could whisper the truth to the whelp, the fact that he wasn't completely sure where to find Xania. Or, he could pull out his compass and bluff his way through until he either devised a plan or something worked out. He chose the second option.

He drew his compass out and began the plan. "We're heading North. Toward that Iffle tower over there."

Will decided to just go with it.

Jack knew what Will didn't know wouldn't hurt him.

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To find Xania, the Fellowship had to go through a series of odd and unusual circumstances.

It was Victor who obtained the knowledge that Xania had changed her name to Beyonce, a fact that definitely helped, but in a one step forwards, two steps back kind of way. Xania, or whoever she was now, was still a madly famous musician, and still impossible to get near, and none of them had a clue how to do it.

The first real challenge for the Fellowship was to figure out how to use the Internet. When Captain Jack used his compass to direct them towards a source of information about Xania, it lead them straight towards a foreign object called a computer.

"How to we use this?" Frodo asked curiously.

"I haven't the foggiest." Victor replied. "But…" He had spotted a man nearby sipping a drink and dusing a device that looked like a computer, but was much thinner and portable. He recalled those devices were called laptops. He figured the man could help.

"Hello there, Sir, I was wondering if"

"What ever you're selling, I don't want any of it." The man said grumpily. Victor guessed he wasn't a morning person.

"I'm not selling anything. I wanted to know if you would be so kind as to help us. My friends and I are not from around here."

"What do you need?"

"Well, we're not familiar with computers. Could you give us a bit of a n idea of how to make use of one?"

The man laughed. "Not familiar with computers? Where are you from? Another world?"

Victor wasn't about to tell him how close he was to the truth.

"You've come to the right man. The name's Riley. Riley Poole. Computer genius and partner to Ben Gates. I wrote a book about that time we found the Templar Treasure. Maybe you've heard of me."

"Sorry, you don't ring a bell." Victor said.

"Mr. Poole, this treasure you mention, where is it now?" Jack asked, suddenly very interested.

"It's in museums all over the globe. Oh, except for one percent. Stinking one percent. The one percent allotted to Ben, Abigail, and me. I mean, yeah, I have a Ferrari, and Abigail and Ben have a multimillion dollar mansion he seems to keep getting kicked out of, but "

"This treaure, the Templar Treasure, isn't available is it?" Jack asked, furthering his initial question.

"Uh, no." Riley responded.

"It's just as well. I could use a challenge." Jack's eyes had that glow of pleasure and fortune.

"Jack, that treasure is well protected and illegal to attain. And scattered all over the globe. It's impossible. Aren't we all doing enough for you to get your stupid diamond?" Will was beginning to get aggravated.

"Young William Turner, must I remind you who I am?" Jack replied.

Will decided it would just be better to drop it and pray Jack forgot about the Templar Treasure.

"So, you need to be schooled in computer usage, huh? Well, as I said, I am the very best. Just please, ask first, don't just assume I can do something. I always can. I just don't like for it to be assumed. Like Ben does to me all the time." Riley said.

"Right." Will said.

"Alright." Riley continued, cracking his fingers, "Let's get started with the Internet."

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Riley gave the Fellowship explicit instructions on proper Internet usage (including breaking into security systems, and a few other things he knew how to do, just for the sole purpose of showing off.) and offered to assist them with whatever they were searching for, an offer they gladly accepted.

"We need to know about Xania." Frodo said.

"Xania? Oh, you mean Beyonce! Um, here. . ." He typed her name into a thing called Google. "Here's a few stats"

"No, we need to know where she's going to be." Frodo corrected.

"Alright then. …" Riley modified his search. "You gentlemen are in luck. She's doing a show in a restaurant by the Iffle Tower. There's still seats available, too. But why on earth do you people want to go to a Beyonce show? That's a bit sketchy if you ask me."

_A/N: Sketchy is such a fun word!!_

"Riley!" A man of about average height, dark hair, and dark eyes jogged up to Riley. "I've got the next clue! Let's go. "

The Fellowship presumed the man was Ben Gates.

He reached Riley, and with barely a hello to the Fellowship, said to Riley "While you were chatting with these Johnny Depp-Orlando Bloom-Elijah Woods wannabes, I figured out the clue. Come on, we're heading out to England."

"Awesome." Riley said. "Hey guys, don't mind Ben. He's not always this rude. He just has a lot on his mind right now. We're looking ofr another history changing treasure, the City of Gold. Good luck with whatever you're doing. I'll see you around"

"Come on, Riley!" Ben was getting impatient, it seemed. Will knew how that felt.

"Remember, It's Riley Poole! Spelled P-O-O-L-E! Pick up a copy of my book sometime. It's great! And I'm not just saying that because I wrote it." Ben dragged the excited Riley away towards a cab.

Jack grinned. "Beckett was wrong. Piracy will last forever, no matter what. Just look at those two. Always chasing after treasure. Can't imagine a better job."

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The second unusual challenge faced by the Fellowship was getting front row seats in Le Petite Fromage. They had no money, and nothing to bargain with. Or so they thought.

They ran into a group of girls who said they'd give them their tickets and backstage passed if they could take pictures and get autographs from the actors. The "actors" unanimously agreed.

After singing countless iPods and cell phones, and taking probably a million photos, the Fellowship got their tickets, and the girls went home.

The Fellowship overheard a bit of conversation as they walked away.

"Ohmigosh!! I just love him! Johnny is sooooooooo nice!! I can't believe he's here in Paris at the exact same time I'm on my vacation!! I think it's fate!"

"Orlando Bloom is soooo much hotter. . and way nicer. He signed my phone and my iPod, and he let me take about 50 million Facebook pics with him!!"

The other girls were equally excited, if not more.

"We made their day!" Frodo said happily.

"No," Will said. "I think we made their year."

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THE FINAL CHALLENGE: GETTING THE DIAMOND

"Life is good." Jack said to Will a few hours later as the fellowship was being escorted backstage before the concert."

"Life is very good." Will agreed, happy that the whole diamond ordeal would soon be over.

The walked down a few narrow halls, and through a few more doors. Soon, they reached Xania's dressing room.

Security opened the door. In the doorway stood one of the most beautiful women the Fellowship had ever seen.

"Wow." Frodo said. "You're beautiful."

"Thank you." She smiled.

"She doesn't hold a candle to Elizabeth." Will muttered.

"Miss Xania, please forgive my humble friends. What they mean to say is that they have never seen a woman with the level of beauty you have attained." Jack inturrputed, kissing her hand. "You are the most beautiful woman I have laid eyes on in a long time."

"Why, thank you. Please, call me Beyonce." She said, looking ever so delighted to have these strange visitors.

"Miss Xania," Jack continued, "Please forgive my forwardness, but I believe you have something I want."

"I get that a lot." She replied, thinking she knew what he meant.

"Your ring. The ferociously beautiful pink panther diamond. It has called my name. I desire it for my personal collection. If you would be so kind as to let me have it….."

She laughed. "I don't think so, Mr. . ."

"Sparrow. Captain Jack Sparrow, at your service."

"Johnny, I don't know what you're up to, or if you're doing an acting exercise or just got way into character, but this ring"

"I would love it, my Xania." Jack said, flirting to the maximum. He wasn't that in love with her, but he'd take what he could get.

"No. This ring is from the set of my movie. . ." an idea crossed her face. It wsa completely worthless, after all, but he didn't know that. "I've changed my mind. It's yours if you leave me alone."

"Done." Jack let go of her hand, and she placed the ring in his. "Thank you, Xania."

"You're welcome. Listen, guys, if I ever run into you again, let's never mention this."

"Deal." Will agreed. "Let's go."

Beyonce had security escort them out so they wouldn't cause anymore trouble. They weren't even allowed back in to see the show, but it didn't matter. Jack had what he wanted, and they could go back to America and New York, see Roxy again maybe, and start the real journey.

Finding their way home.


End file.
